Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the bright and morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
whom shall i fear
whom shall i fear
i am yours
My Identity
Princess of God
Tidings
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
The one i promised
Hahaha i told yall i would post this up. It's hilarious. While the ppl in e background paddle past us and the crickets chirp, the two of us remain frozen, our smiles unfading. Well at least i moved a little. Loi looks...like she died on the kayak. Lol sorry Loi but it's true. To think i told him (the kayak guide) he was such a good photographer.
Kaelyn
Saya kira...
I'm going to learn Thai. Sawadekaa! So exciting. I think i'm mad too but i dont care.
Driving was good today. Thought it would be bad cos i haven't driven for a week, but it was better than before. Driving started out as something i looked forward to, a fun activity. But it got stressful after awhile, sometimes i'd dread it. But i always pray that God will come and take over the wheel. And He does. Did my first parallel parking today. And the balancing on multi-carpark slope thingy. =) Everytime the clouds gather/it's raining before my driving, i'd pray that the rain would go away so i can drive with greater ease. And you know what, it always works. It's never rained during my driving lesson before, even if it does it'd stop immediately. I recall one driving lesson there was even a rainbow. And i was so excited, "Rainbow rainbow!!!" that i almost lost control of the wheel. Haha. Thank God my instructor is ever so calm he'd always neutralize my excitement/kanchiongness eg. when ppl honk at me.
Bloodbank called me this week. Never in all these years have they called me, though they send regular mails. Shows how desperate they are. The man told me they are low on O blood and could i go down asap? Went to the website where they keep records of the blood stock in Spore and ya it's really low. I never understood why ppl don't wanna donate blood. I realise i might be offending ppl by saying this but that's not my intenion. It's a free will world. I just don't understand why a simple act that doesn't require much of you but can save lives is so disregarded. If you've a valid excuse i.e. you're underweight, anemic etc then okay la but if not...What if you were the one lying on the hospital bed waiting for someone to donate blood to you to save your life, someone healthy and has nothing to lose, and that person tells you, "Oh sorry dont feel like it?" It's just so sad la, so many Sporeans are so caught up with themselves and nothing else. Only 1% of our 4M population are blood donors. Oh well. Nothing i can do about that.
Answered prayers. It's getting hard keeping the promise of the 100K, to pray for everyone i've blessed faithfully everyday. Every night before i sleep, many times after i've snuggled into my blankets, i'd suddenly remember, I HAVE TO PRAY. So i'd mutter "God bless them all. Goodnight." But i won't be able to sleep. Cos God won't let me go so easily. In His gentle voice He'd prompt me. "My dear, u sure u don't wanna wake up and pray for them? It'd only take awhile. You made a promise to them...Do u really desire for them to be blessed?" And on and on. And every night He'd win the 'debate' and i'd crawl all the way back from the gates of Dreamland and pray for them. Not easy, seeing as the numbers are increasing. Esp not easy to pray for ppl u scarcely know. But i still do. And guess what? Prayers are being answered. Already two of the ppl i blessed have told me things that happened that are exactly what i prayed for. It's amazing. Brothers and sisters, keep it up! We're not praying in vain. We're not just offering prayers, we're offering answered prayers. When this movement started i was worrying about the prayer requests ppl'd have. What if someone asks for a Ferrari? Or a condo. Or something crazy like that. Then how? And when it started, i chose to take things in my own hand. Instead of praying, "Lord i pray u give this person his/her heart's desire-Financial Freedom", i'd pray "Lord u know this person wants financial freedom, but i pray he/she would not focus on money and lose the meaning of life." And after awhile i realised my mistake. Who am i to assume i know the best? The whole point of this Blessing Campaign is to bless ppl-with what they want. Not what i think they need. It's God's problem how it all turns out, not mine. He's the one granting the requests, not me. I'm just but a messenger. And there is no stress in being a messenger. Why should we be stressed about whether the prayers will be answered or not? We're not the ones who can answer prayers. We're simply the connectors. =)
I'm growing FAT. Okay not FAT fat, but still. Haha. 50kg is my max and i'm at my max. Bluffed two friends i haven't seen for a long time that i'm 65kg now. One actually believed me, the other didn't. (Wel u're the smart one.) Funny how when i was skinny i wanted to be fatter and now tt i'm fatter i miss my skinniness. Everyone used to comment on how skinny i was all the time that i took it for granted. Only recently did i realise that the comments have ceased. So i consulted my weighing machine. And realised ppl only comment when u're skinny, they don't tell u when u grow fat. Maybe they think it's rude or something. But i wished someone had warned me. Lol. I need to exercise. But i don't have time. (Excuses, excuses) I miss the times when i could eat like crazy and not get a tummy, the times when i seriously feared that i'd worms in my stomach.
What kind of person am I? I've always wondered. Some think i'm loud, others think i'm quiet. I'm both, i guess. There are times i just feel like jumping up and down and cheering and making everyone dance with me. Then there are times when i just feel like spending time alone, away from everyone else.
I'm afraid of a lot of things. Afraid to love, afraid to cry, afraid to lose, afraid to disappoint. But God has been speaking to me lately. A man's life is but a breath on this earth. There's no time to be afraid, no time to hold back. We only live once. Love is a risk. Jesus loved us passionately despite fearing that we might reject Him. We did, we spat on him and stabbed him and mocked him and nailed him to the cross, while he prayed for us, smiled at us, died for us. And He continues to love us, despite getting stabbed by us all the time. Everytime things go wrong, *STAB*. God, why?! How could u allow this to happen?! And on and on it goes. I admire that kind of love. True, unconditional love. Love that transcends fear. No wonder the Bible says, "Perfect love drives out all fear". There'd always be fear, the possibility of getting hurt, of failing. But true courage is choosing to do something despite your fear. There isn't much to behold of an experienced mountaineer climbing Mount Everest. But for someone who's terrified of heights to do the same, that's courage. And courage isn't daring to do something foolish, it's daring to do something wise.
I used to be scared of crying. Prolly cos someone close to me once told me not to cry so much, it's not healthy. I grew to view crying as a weakness. But now i've learnt that tears can be tools of healing. Crying is not a sign of weakness; not daring to cry, not daring to face pain, is. I've learnt that a good cry in times when you're feeling really stressed up and overwhelmed with emotions feels really good. Like how you feel awful when u're nauseous, but so much more relieved after you've puked it all out.
Many times it's not the object of fear that's scary, it's the fear of the object that is. Fear paralyzes. It kills. May we not be bound by this tool of the devil. May we choose to live life to the fullest, to go all out and love, to challenge our limits daily and do our best at everything we do. May we dare to live passionately, dare to follow our hearts and consciences and not fear the setbacks or the pain, for both the ups and downs of life are allowed for a reason. To mould us, to refine us, from carbon to diamond, from caterpillar to butterfly.
Kaelyn
Saturday, 28 July 2007
Krabi Kingdom
Here are the recaps from Krabiland!
Day One-The long and winding journey from the airport to the hotel was like the filming of a horror movie. It was sooo dark, and the only lights that came from the deserted village houses were faded as can be. We were fearing that the taxi driver would suddenly turn around and grin at us with a green face. Anyhow, we arrived at Ao Nang Paradise safely, thank God the place was much more lighted and human-like. First thing we saw when we entered our hotel room was...Mr. Spidey. Salutations!
Then we were greeted by the strange odour from our bathroom. And the sad fact that there was no more wireless in the hotel like stated in the website. Ohh we could only hug our dear travelling companions for comfort. Then we gritted our teeth and decided to make the best of what we had. We went out and toured the streets, bought air freshener for the bathroom, some biscuits and soya-bean milk, reported safety at an Internet Cafe, and had a great dinner, served by a friendly Thai couple. Things started to look better. We started to appreciate the slow, laid-back life there, started to relax and enjoy ourselves. Went to a tour agent (Mr Fawlty) and had a good time chatting with him and bargaining for our tour packages. Haha. Loi wanted to go Phi Phi for snorkelling while i wanted to go kayaking in the mangrove forests. In the end we ended up booking both.
My travelling companinon Bebi
Day Two-Woke up bright and early for breakfast, then were escorted to the speedboat (bom bom bom) where we set off first for Bamboo Island-paradise beach. Then Phi Phi Island, all the snorkelling bit which i hated. Sigh i hate that i hate snorkelling but i do. It was torture for me, a bit of a deja-vu like the time at Tioman. Everytime i try to snorkel water'll come in through my mask and block my vision and i'd start panicking and breathe through my nose and all. Then when i choose to stay on the boat instead the boat'd rock and rock while it's being anchored and soon i'd get super nauseous. Pure dread-all i could think about was how long more before i could land on shore again. This time i didn't vomit-i spent the time onboard throwing bread at Loi (so the fish would swim near her), chatting w the boat driver and helping him slice pineapple. Another Sporean girl onboard puked though, and the smell made me feel like puking more. But i resisted. Monkey Bay was nice, filled with monkeys. One was drinking beer from a bottle. Cute. But we didn't land there. At night, had our FAV pancake with banana and egg fillings respectively. Went shopping and bought some stuff. Still feeling rather unwell. Sneaked some alone time and sat at the poolside talking to God. Felt like Jesus was there embracing me, i was telling Him all my troubles and how uncomfortable i felt, how i miss my friends and family and He was patting my back, stroking my hair and telling me everything's gonna be fine, He'd make sure of it. He's the only reason i feel safe and secure no matter where i go. No other source of comfort could ever be as consistent, even soft toys can die, like my beloved polar bear.
Bamboo Island
Fishy fish fish-they ate my vomit last time
Monkeys!
Day Three-To the Canyon and above! So they drove us to this place, loaded us into kayaks and off we went. Kept bumping into rocks and other ppls' kayaks lol. Kayaked into the middle of the Canyon. Gosh i really loved it. And then to this magical land, this little strip of sand in the middle of nowhere. There were countless crabs of all kinds and hundreds of starfish, 4, 5 and 6-legged ones. We had a great time, playing with them despite the merciless sun glaring at us.
The Canyon-can't capture the real thing though-u hafta be there urself
Built a starfish tower. Hee
Me and my crab
Then Noi our guide brought us to this freshwater mangrove lake where we did a Tarzan jump in hanging from this wood-swing thingy. Then i climbed onto the rubber kayak to paddle to where Loi was. Lol i'm still not very good at swimming. Soon Loi, Noi and Fifty-cent (nicknamed so cos he resembles the singer) were on board and they paddled us through the whole long winding lake. My Amazon Adventure come true. There were exotic blue and green dragonflies and purple flowers. And bright green fluffy seaweed that are incredibly soft to the touch. It was my most enjoyable day there. But was exhausted and sunburnt at the end of the day. Had a quick dinner and fell asleep the moment my head fell on the pillow.
Utopia...
Day Four-Went for horseriding. My horse's called Smile, loi's Diamond. It was really nice, riding Smile as she trotted on the beach in the morn, with the breeze blowing at us and the sea gleaming in the sun. Smile shitted on the way back. I was wondering why she stopped then i.... smelt it. Haha. Spent an hour or so playing with the horses and dogs at the farm. 130 the humongous Daddy Horse was scary, kept swishing his head around furiously and trying to chomp anything in sight. I love Hair and Smile. And ALL the cute lil doggies. They are just so adorable and friendly. Last shopping trip along Ao Nang Beach. Saying our goodbyes. We're gonna miss you Krabiiiii....your laid-back atmosphere and friendly people. Your delicious pancakes and Noi's umbilical cord. Your gorgeous beaches and wonders of nature. Your countless exotic creatures we will miss. But your snorkelling i will not. Hahaha. We love you Krabi.
Hair
My little pieces of Heaven in Krabi: -Starfish Land -Canyon Beauty -Amazon Adventure -Horseriding
Kaelyn
Sunday, 22 July 2007
Nevertheless
Finally caught up w ht aft so long. Haha it was a good time of fellowship. Actually it's amazing how we can clique so well though we're so different, but somehow we just can. Watched "Invisible Target" together for lack of better show to watch, since we've both watched Harry Potter alr. Aft e show ended we realised both of us don't even remember the title of the show. Lol. A very forgettable show, the usual HK cops vs. villians kinda thing. Don't waste yr money ppl.
Today(Sat i mean) was such a nice rainy day. I slept for like 12 hrs the night before, didn't realize i was so tired till i reached home and fell asleep on the sofa. Not even the long couch know, it was the one-seater kind. Anyway, had a great time shopping for toiletries and contact lens with Spike, then packing for our respective holidays together. Oh and playing Taboo too hee. (Forgot to bring back to Bukit View, it's so heavy. =/) May be a short time spent together but it was wonderful, we haven't had time for each other for quite awhile. Went for tution, and really struggled with going all the way to TC after that. And i was having very bad cramps. But i knew i had to. Thank God i did. Instead of the 1 or 2 kids i expected, there were like, 6 or 7 in my group, or the one i was taking over for today. One was 2 yrs old, another was a special kid, these 2 i really couldn't handle while keeping the rest quiet and listening to me. I gave my best shot and realised my teaching was ermm...way too short compared to the rest. While the other older groups were meekly paying attention to their leaders, half my group was running around with me screaming after them and developing a massive headache. Suddenly i felt glad that God has released me from this ministry. Contrary to popular belief, i do not think i'd be a good kindergarden teacher at all, much as i love kids. In my desperation, i resorted to playing Chop Chilli Chop with them. Even though they didn't understand the game, they just imitated my (silly) actions and found it amusing. They particularly love the 'mess up hair' and 'chop their own legs' actions haha. Lol thank you Von i was thanking God for u for making the game familiar to me. In e end it turned out okay. Even though i felt i did a bad job, somehow Pastor seemed to find it okay, and she was very appreciative of my help. It made everything worthwhile, but i reminded myself that it wasn't man i was pleasing, but the One above. Right there and then i felt my Lord beaming from above, and i knew i'd gotten my reward. =)
Was reading 'Facing Your Giants' on my way home and this spoke to me... "Turn a deaf ear to the old voices. Open a wide eye to the new choices." My past haunts me. My guilt imprisons me. But i choose to let God write a 'nevertheless' in my life story.
"Jesus i believe in You and i would go...to the ends of the Earth, to the ends of the Earth for You alone are the Son of God and all the world will see You are God, You are God."
Kaelyn
Friday, 20 July 2007
Hillsong Kids - You're all I need
You see me when I'm sleeping You know when I'm awake You hear me when I pray to You Every word I say
I know You are my Father The greatest One of all You never ever fail me My friend forever more
You're all I need You're all I need You're all I need, in this world
You walk with me and guide me My heart is in Yours hands You speak your word, I hear You Lord I live by Your commands
You change me from the inside And turned the bad to good You loved from my very first day When I didn't know You could
I feel You in my heart In my heart Oh God (Repeat)
Oh i love this song...it truly transports me into an otherworldly realm where i'm a lil' girl again, safe and secure in my Daddy's arms, knowing and trusting without a doubt that He will make all things right, even in times of sorrow and pain. Father thank You for reminding me that in Your eyes i'll always be that lil' girl you love and adore. That i can forever be comforted in the knowledge that like a child, i'm safe in you. Truly Lord, You're all i need. Help me never to forget that, even when the giants of my life cause me to tremble. I love You God.
Kaelyn
Memoirs
Settlers was fun as usual. Let's make it a monthly thing or something hee. Thank you guys. Though it's been an emo day, your company and concern cheered me up much. I'm really starting to feel v comfortable with yall. Thank God for this family really. =)
Was looking at photos. Random, new and old. Hee. Just wanna share.
Party World w the girls-Lyn's bday.
Lol. An old photo i digged out. It's funny cos we're all in our own world. Hahaha.
At Seok's place being silly as usual. Ahh garfield you're so delicious.
The kebaya i had to wear for MC-ing Indo Night. Hi melissa. I think that's Chien Hua's well-known backpack in e background. Lol.
The family. Haha stole this from the cell blog. Please visit my florist blog if u think e flowers are nice. Lol.
mien's bday celebration last yr. i rem i crawled under the table. meowr.
spike and i in bkk
last but not least...loi and i in tioman. ooh krabi here we come! =)
Kaelyn
Thursday, 19 July 2007
Randoms
The blog i've been making for FlowerMatters is out! Sorta. Special thanks to tf for helping me find the skin, it's perfect. And to Eileen for helping me with the madness html. We'll play with it again soon when we have time at the shop hehe. Anyhows, it's http://flwrmatters.blogspot.com. Do go visit! =)
Had a good time of steamboat and pool with the Indo gang. Haha i regret we can't all continue to Bahasa Indo3 together, but somehow i feel this special bond we've formed will surpass the barrier of not being in the same class, or even school, for those who've graduated. May we continue to have lotsa fun together when school reopens, prolly meet up for lunch or something.
Been meeting up/planning to meet up with so many old friends recently. Ppl who've been overseas, or haven't talked to for years. Thank God for the catch-ups, every person who've crossed my path before has a unique place in my heart. Though there's always the people you care about more, somehow every single person gives you a feeling no other person can replace.
Yeah! Our Krabi trip is just around the corner. Actually it's quite timely, before school starts. Hee. Hopefully it'll be a great time of relaxation and fun.
Kaelyn
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
Star in My Night
Like the wind in my hair And the sands that i grasp. Maybe it's not my flair, But they leave me so bare.
A star in the night Seems the only light. When all falls from my sight, I know He'd be by my side.
I fall into His embrace And look upon His gaze. His wet eyes mirror mine. Our tears, how they shine.
Then He said, "Hush, don't cry. I'll bring you to the sky." Through the clouds we fly And soon my eyes are dry.
The taste of the rainbow, The sound of the breeze. One touch from His Majesty leaves my senses in freeze.
The star in my night Always shines so bright. Though giants i fight, I'd never take flight.
A poem God inspired me to write. May it bring comfort to those in their darkest nights. =)
Kaelyn
Monday, 16 July 2007
Miracles are beginning to happen!!!
It's been such an exciting week. First, it was my first time teaching devotion at GB. Haha didn't have much mental preparation cos Ps Debra only told me the night before. But praise God, it was okay in the end. When i started teaching, i just kinda spaced out, stopped worrying and left it to God. It had to be the Holy Spirit speaking through me because i would never have been so calm in my first teaching in front of so many girls whose attention span were not exactly long, and with Ps Debra there. Haha. I realised i need to learn to let go of trying to meet ppl's expectations of me (that sometimes dont even exist), and even my own expectations of myself. I also need to learn to let go of my fear of losing. This is a verse God has continually used to comfort me in times when i look back, one that i hold close to my heart. Though it's been a long time, it still affects me sometimes. Ysd during service, I went down for altar call and Mel prayed for me. I really sensed a breakthrough, a new beginning. I felt set free from the past. And that means so much to me. Thank You God.
"And it shall come to pass, that every thing that liveth, which moveth, whithersoever the rivers shall come, shall live: and there shall be a very great multitude of fish, because these waters shall come thither: for they shall be healed; and every thing shall live whither the river cometh." Ezekiel 47:9
Chalet was fun, despite the horrible nights where i couldn't sleep. Love the Taboo games lol. So much laughter and fun, and teasing each other. Thank God for the few days of bonding and knowing each other more. Thank you Elaine for the gorgeous and delicious cupcakes. Love the butterfly wings. Hee. Thank God for Miracle Bear. And indeed, miracles are beginning to happen. We were playing vball when there were a few kids watching, so i invited them to join us. So cute. Haha. Somehow the two boys started talking to me bout Harry Potter and asking me millions of questions so i answered them, as much as i could. Somehow Nick brought out his 100K booklet and they started choosing the areas they wanted blessings and prayers for. Somehow both of them chose 'Eternal Life'. And somehow God used me to lead them to Christ. It's so amazing, we'd never understand when and how God'll work, when we simply obey and allow Him to use us. I remember one of the Ed Silvoso DVDs, where this girl was saying, "I started leading strangers to Christ! And I've never done that before!!" I suddenly feel like that girl, so amazed by God's glorious works, so touched, honoured and shocked that God would choose to use me. And i know it's only the beginning. I'm sure that throughout Spore, many miracles have already started to happen, because the Kingdom of God is coming near us. Looking forward to seeing our country change like Argentina did, to see God's love descend upon this homeland of mine, to touch the people around who mean so much to me.
Kaelyn
Thursday, 12 July 2007
The Greatest Love Song of All
I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain Just to be with the one he loves How many times has he broken that promise It has never been done. I've never climbed the highest mountain But I walked the hill of calvary
Chorus: Just to be with you, I'd do anything There's no price I would not pay Just to be with you, I'd give anything I would give my life away.
I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean Just to be with the one he loves How may times has he broken that promise It can never be done I've never swam the deepest ocean But I walked upon the raging sea
Repeat chorus
(Bridge) I know that you don't understand the fullness of My love How I died upon the cross for your sins And I know that you don't realize how much that I gave you But I promise, I would do it all again.
Just to be with you, I've done everything There's no price I did not pay Just to be with you, I gave everything Yes, I gave my life away...
What an incredibly touching video...Mien this is dedicated to you. =) May it bring you wonderous comfort in times when u walk through the valleys of darkness in life. Love you and may the love of Jesus draw you deeper and in closer intimacy with Him each day. *Huggs*.
Kaelyn
Monday, 9 July 2007
Blessings!!
Haven't had time to blog for a few days, now i'm back. Hee. Ever since this blog started my diary has been sitting in a corner collecting dust. Oh well. The Ed Silvoso conference was great, it really inspired me that we really can impact nations, starting from our individual marketplaces, and that God wants to grant us success to have authority to make a difference. We spent Sunday sending off Debbie and Suet Ming, and it was so emo for me. Haha. I don't think i'd ever wanna go overseas for a few years, i'd miss my family and friends to no end. Congrats to Des and Von for graduating! 2 joyous occasions to even out 2 not-so-joyous events.
I still rem the joke Sik told me on the way home. LOL. She once saw this guy holding onto the MRT handrail when the train jerked, and it came off in his hands. (At first i thought she meant the whole pole came off so it was even funnier). So he was looking at it in shock for awhile, then he just held onto it. And when he reached his station, he just went off with the handrail in his hand. HAHAHA. I laughed till i couldn't breathe and my bones were hurting, somehow. Felt like i was having a spasm. Reiterated the joke to a few friends but somehow it's not as funny alr. Haha. It was an eventful ride home. When i got up my 242 bus, i was standing at the door, barely in the bus, so i didn't get the chance to tap my card. After 1 stop the bus driver said, "Eh tap your card la! Don't need me to tell u one right, u come on the bus u tap your card. Cannot everytime i have to tell u." So i reached past swarms of bodies to tap my card, feeling a little humiliated and wronged. But i chose not to take offence. Instead, i started to pray for him. When i was getting off the bus, God told me to go and bless the bus driver. And i was struggling. "God, cannot! He'd think i'm mad or something." But eventually i gave in, and i walked to the front, muttered a "thank you" and got down the bus. Haha. Maybe he really did think i'm mad, but who cares? It felt good, to bless someone who cursed you, in a sense. Shortly after i'd to cross the road. It was raining heavily and it wasn't sheltered. There was this guy who looked trapped. Emboldened by my previous submissive act, i invited him to share my brolly. He looked shocked, but accepted with much gratitude. It was a small act, but it prolly did more for me than it did for him. Because i felt so happy after tt, to have blessed someone. I was starting to learn in greater depth the true meaning of "it is more blessed to give than to receive".
Anyhows, today is Monday! As usual had the urge to stay home but forced myself to get up and go to work. Because i don't wanna miss any opportunity to bless the people ard, in this 100K month of blessing. I still struggled, cos i didn't know how ppl would react. But on the way back from home today, i plucked my courage and asked Eileen my colleague about it. To my surprise, she was so touched and shared with me the things she needed prayers for. And i thought, why is it so hard to bless people? It's sad that in this world now, it's so easy to tell lies and so hard to tell truths. When i reached home, i annouced that i brought home blessings tonight and gave my parents and Spike one booklet each, to tick the blessings they wanted. Filling in my parents' age...and looking at their desired blessings filled my eyes with tears. I was suddenly hit with the realization that my parents were getting old. And my father...out of so many blessings he only ticked one-Family Harmony. In fact, everyone in my family ticked that. And it touched me so. He could have chosen health, or financial blessings...but all he wanted was for harmony in our family...that's all that matters to him. I'm so busy everyday i seldom come home to eat, let alone spend time together. And i'm constantly amazed by how time flies. I don't wanna regret one day, when it's too late, that i didn't cherish my family enough. It also hit me that my mom chose 'Eternal Life'. I never knew she worried bout life after death. No wonder she runs from one religion to another, seeking peace, seeking assurance. As i was praying for Eileen and my family, my heart was filled with overwhelming love for them. It hit me that that was how God feels each time He sees us. Love radiating from the depths of His heart, tears brimming in His eyes each time we hurt, longing just to hold us tight in His embrace...if only we would allow Him to.
Lord, in this exciting time of blessing, praying and fasting, i pray You'd use me to bring joy to the people around...to be the Light of the World for Your sake. Enlarge my heart and help me to have more compassion for the people around me, even those who are unlovable, even those who hurt me. Father God draw me closer to You each day...and hear my prayers as i cry out on behalf of those who need help. Empower me to look beyond myself, my own fears and concerns, to be bold and courageous, to obey You and to witness miracles.
'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.' -Zechariah 4:6
Kaelyn
Friday, 6 July 2007
Transformers!
Watched Transformers w Elle and Val tt day. Finally i understand what all the hype was about. Haha it was a v kanchiong show...made me sit on the edge of the seat the whole time. I realised i always watch shows with my fingers interlocked, supporting my chin and a bit of my mouth, even when it's not horror. Anyhows it was a good show. But i wished they would transform more quietly next time. Every time they transform my eardrums felt like splitting. Maybe cos we were sitting in the fifth row. The show reminded me again of how horrible humans are, and how undeserving of help. The Autobots, like the Almighty, are willing to give their lives to save us, though they didn't have to, yet we hurt them time and again. If only we see the big picture like we do sitting there in the theatre, we'd be kicking ourselves for what we do to Bumblebee. I actually teared when Bumblebee almost died. So sad.
I miss so many things. So many friendships, so much laughter, all gone. So complicated, the bonds people share. I wish, i wish, i wish so bad, that we could all just be friends. Pure, simple, undiluted friendship. Sometimes i wish i could remain a child forever, oblivious to the complications of the adult world.
Kaelyn
Monday, 2 July 2007
A Sassy Sunday
Had a great Sunday today. Haha. Actually rather enjoyed the GB Dedication Service in some weird sense. And it was really freaky how the word was so similar to the one i'd prepared for the coming devotion. But the best part was at Elle's place. Thank you so much for offering yr house to us my dear. Really had lotsa fun. And i love Gideon, he's the cutest and most intelligent dog i've ever met. So handsome. Today's Sunday outing has been the best for months. Haha. I realised my favourite activity is to hang out at friends' place. So excited to visit each of our places in the near future. I bet everyone will groan when it comes to my place though. From Expo to Jurong West. Haha. That is what i go through every week. Okay just came online to send a few things and wait for my hair to dry. Stuff sent and hair dried. So gonna crash. Nights!
Kaelyn
Sunday, 1 July 2007
Cherish what you have...
Stayed home the whole day, sorry hy and hans really don't feel like going out today. Hee. Woke up ard 2, watched tv, dvd (Click), then finished the last part of "Under Cover". It was my third time watching Click, and it never fails to bring tears to my eyes. I think it's just such a inspiring story, and how vivid. So many of us choose to skip the bad parts of our life, and tune ourselves to auto-pilot mode in situations we don't want to be in. We end up skipping our whole lives, neglecting the people we love and losing everything. Sometimes it really takes losing something/someone for you to realise how much that thing/person truly means to you.
Searched for poems online, it was fun. Chose one for each of the gb girls in cell. Maybe one day my poems will be of enough standard to post online. Haha. Anyhows, staying at home has its minus points. Mom was around and...well she just irritates me sometimes. It's not her fault really, she didn't do anything wrong. But i guess this disrespect thing has stemmed from young, cos my parents dote on me so much i take them for granted. And i do try. I try v hard. I grit my teeth to prevent making some not-so-nice comment. But the irritation surges. So i slam doors. Throw things. It's alr v mild, compared to my sec sch days, and other times when i wasn't so mentally sound. I'd throw my standing fan, my revolving chair, anything i see. I'd cry and scream and swear and hyperventilate and stamp my feet. I don't understand it myself. I love my parents, and i know they love me. On normal days we get along just fine, occasionally we have long chats and all. Yet sometimes (esp my mom) when she starts nagging and all...all hell breaks loose. Think Reg and Von experienced my outburst that day on the phone with my mom. I always feel bad immediately after my outbursts, and these days i would always apologize. But apologies are useless when i don't change. It's like repentance is useless unless u change. God's first commandment that comes with a promise is to honour and respect your parents. How can i love strangers and not my own family? Respect spiritual authority but not my parents? "Honor your father and mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you."-Deut 5:16. Not only is that commandment in Deuteronomy, but in Exodus, Matthew, Mark, Luke and Ephesians.
"Lord i repent of the times i do not honour or respect my parents. Help me Lord, to be able to love them, not just in thoughts but in actions, that they would see You in me. Help me Father, not to take the people who love me for granted. I also want to thank you Lord, for the people you've placed in my life."
To Mel and my G12 sisters...You've been such a wonderful gift to me. You're like the family i never had. Thank you for bringing such joy, comfort and companionship to me, that in this path with God I do not walk alone, but holding your hands, knowing each of you would catch me when i fall.
To Spike...You're the besterest sister in the entire universe. The only person who knows me prolly more than i do myself. Love the times we spend together, being crazy and doing same actions without realizing. You bring so much laughter and joy to my life. Thanks for always coming to my rescue when i need you. I don't know what i'd do without you. I really love you so much. Hearing you worship God recently melts my heart. You don't know how long i've prayed for you to come back to Him.
To Mien...Thanks for being my best friend, helping me through my darkest days, never giving up on me when i was so misguided, so...utterly and completely gone. Many friends come and go but u've been the most constant. I really appreciate your efforts to msg and call me. I'm sorry i don't take the initiative sometimes, i just get so caught up in my busyness. I'm so sorry. Just wanna tell u i really cherish u lots. Which was why those words were so hard to say. But i had to. Darling, i really don't wanna see u taking the route i took, down the cold dark painful lane, far far away from God. I hope you'd choose the right path in the end...
To Loi...It's been a long and winding journey, our friendship. Lotsa ups and downs, i guess cos i've become somewhat a confrontational person. Whatever i feel, i can't just pretend i don't feel it. I have to tell you. And i know at times the truth is hard to hear, i know at times i'm not patient enough, to wait for u to trust me. Forgive me because i really am trying. I think i've told u this before, but i'd tell u again. I have many friends, but u're one of those whom are closest to my heart. Know you're gonna go eee so mushy again haha but it's the truth. I really enjoy the stayovers we have, the silly things we do together, the heart-to-heart chats we have. May we have great fun at Krabi soon, catching the waves and the fishes.
To Juan, Hans, Lyn and Cheng...It's been 7.5 yrs. Haha. Time flies. I'm so glad that our friendship is still strong and standing firm amidst much history of quarrels, betrayals and all. You guys contribute a big part of who i am today. The sec sch days i will never forget. Love yall so much. Lyn, thinking about you leaving brings tears to my eyes. But we'll be waiting in Sporeland for you, and when u get back...maybe Hanni will be married. Lol. I can't wait to grow old together with all of you. We'll play mahjong together while our kids run around. Hehe. But first i've to train my mahjong skills, and find a bf. Haha.
To Seok and Ash...I really thank God for u. With yall around we're always choking on our laughter, and inviting glares cos of our volume. LOL. Thanks for being such fun friends, and always there to lend a listening ear, or give advice. Seok glad u're having fun at work, sorta, haha at least there're ppl u can talk to over there. Ash i dunno how u can continue to teach the boy. You really do have more patience than u think. Hee glad for u tt u've quit ur previous job. Can't wait to start school again, this time as Year 2s. We'd better know our way ard campus well and not paiseh ourselves in front of the freshmen. Hahaha. Till our party at the brand new Deck. The food had better be good.
To Debbie...I really regret we don't have more time to get to know each other. But in the time that we had, I really liked hanging out with u. You're such a joy to be around, always with a smile on your face and laughter emanating from your lips. May we cherish the week we're left with before u leave. You'd always be in my prayers, even when distance comes btw us. =)
To Hsing Thye...we're not friends anymore cos u didn't contact me when u got back. Haha kidding. But no more cookies for you.
To Kian Kee...it was a good catchup recently, but wished we had more time. Thanks again for the gift. Oh and i owe u a meal. Haha. Thank God u'd be outta army soon. =)
To Hongyun...sorry kor been meaning to meet up for so long but couldn't. Lol. We're really two busy ppl. But i will find time to match ur schedule. It's been months since we've met.
To Yimin, Siew Hui and Ruixian...I think it's prolly a yr since we properly caught up. Really miss you guys. Will meet up soon yupp.
