That's the title of the latest book i'm reading, another in the series of Max Lucado. Just finished 'Travelling Light'. Really ministered to me at the right time, it's amazing. And this book "A Love Worth Giving" is really apt now, too.

I realized recently that i find it hard to love. I find it hard to love my mom when she nags, and acts pitiful, and irritates me. I find it hard to love my sister when she keeps going away. I feel abandoned, somewhat, like i have a sister but she's never around. I find it hard to love my school when they have countless helplines and none offer any practical help. I find it hard to love my friends sometimes cos...no la actually my friends are all quite lovable. But there are times when they do upset me unknowingly. I find it hard to love myself cos I think in the above ways.

I think God is trying to bring me along a new journey through this book, to tell me that by my own means there is no way i can love. Because i can't give what i have not received. I need to come back to Him and receive His love all over again. Cos there are times...i just wanna drift off in the clouds and float to Heaven. I just wanna go home with my Father, and not care about anyone else.

But there are also recent times where God sends people to melt my heart all over again. Cos recently, life has become rather grey. I've become rather prone to mood swings, to flaring up and breaking down. I guess i need time to adjust...Since school started i've been feeling quite lost.

So one day I was at the control station, and there was this man limping around selling tissue. I walked towards him and started to search my wallet for coins or small notes but i had none. So i told him apologetically, "Sorry uncle i don't have change." But he limped towards me and kept trying to give me the tissues. I thought he didn't understand, but then i realised what he was saying, "Take, don't need money." I was so touched. I didn't take the tissues, but i took home a lesson this man taught me. It reminded me of the time we were doing flag day for TCS, and i saw this handicapped old lady wheeling herself around happily, with 5 or 6 TCS stickers on her. They may seem poor to many, in health and in finance, but they are so much richer than so many of us. Like the ever-laughing kids in Indo, these ppl have so little but yet their joy surpasses many. Because they've learnt the heart of thanksgiving, and of giving. If these ppl who have practically nothing can give so generously, what about us? God knows, every little thing we give, He remembers. And with the measure that we give, we will receive.

But sometimes i forget that. I am ashamed to admit that i haven't been praying for the people i pledged to pray for the past few days. Ysd night Spike told me, "Ehh u forgot to read and pray tonight." And i felt a tinge of guilt, but my love for sleep overcame me. It's really hard to pray for so many ppl everyday when noone really thanks you for it, and when you don't see results. But today my boss suddenly said she's been having very bad pain in her arm. And i felt so bad. Silly, maybe, but i felt responsible for it. If i'd been praying faithfully for her health maybe this wouldn't have happened. It really shook me up. Maybe i don't see results, but perhaps the results are precisely the lack of bad news while i'd been praying. If i really love these ppl, i would be faithful in my prayers for them. And a thankless job...well that's what i signed up for. In my ministry, my future career, my life. There are times when Hongyun's question haunts me. "Aren't you tired of touching lives?" I'd like to answer, "Touching lives is what i live for". But sometimes i don't feel like that.

Ysd i went for Service Learning with the girls-to clean flats for some elderly in Toa Payoh. It's my first time doing it, and before we started i talked to the girls, and asked them why they were doing this. I expected things like, "To get my badge lor." But no. The replies were, "To help old people", and Jayme's classic, "Ohh you mean do this can get badge one ar?" Hf even brought a non-GB friend who just wanted to come along. It really lifted my heart, to know that these girls really do have a heart for the needy people ard. So we went to this uncle's flat, and cleaned his place, i cooked for him, talked to him, prayed for him. And my heart really went out to him. Battling illness and loneliness and yet he seems rather happy. He reminded me of my dad somehow, perhaps cos of the dialect he spoke and his previous illness. I felt...a confirmation of the career i was venturing into. There's nothing i want to do more. Despite my occasional selfishness, i really do think life becomes meaningful only when u help people, and what a privilege to be able to do that everyday.

"Let me love as You loved, and give as You gave..O Lord make me more like You..."