After reading "For one more day" and "Five people we meet in heaven", i thought Mitch Albom's books were...not bad, but totally over-hyped. Until i read "Tuesdays with Morrie". When i first started reading i was thinking, "Oh man, u mean this whole book is about a dying old man?" But as i read on i gradually grew to love Morrie. He's such an endearing old man. I haven't met him but i wanna hug him. I don't know him but i cried when he died.
He taught me so many things. About life, about death. That day i was at service learning with the girls. So Jayme and i'd finished mopping and cleaning and all. There was still time, so we sat on the floor beside Auntie and chatted with her. What did we chat about? Well, Auntie told me about her day. The exact time she woke up, the exact food she ate, what time, what show she watched, etc etc. How much she bought her socks for, where from. I tried to be interested, listened attentively and asked her more questions, but there on the cold floor i was fighting to keep awake. My heart was interested in this lonely old lady, but my mind was bored senseless. How can anyone's life be so...
boring? I started to think, what would i do in her shoes? When my life consists simply of getting up to eat, clean the house, watch tv, bathe, sleep. Everyday. Would i continue to be thankful?
Then she told me how she spends 10 mins bathing everyday, where she washes her clothes at the same time to save water. And she uses minimal water by running water into pails first, and tells me approximately how much a shower costs. And i said, "Ohh. I never thought of that before, i just use the showerhead and all at home and my parents pay." And she was like, "Wow, u have water heater at home?" And i was like, "Yeah..."
Then as we were going out of the house, Auntie commented how lucky we were, to be able to simply step into our slippers and walk. You see, Auntie has lost a limb, and has to rely on an artificial leg to get places. The comment caught me off guard-I didn't know what to say. I felt guilty that i could walk and she couldn't. So i just faked a smile and told her, hopefully cheerfully, "Bu yao ze yang jiang la, zi shao ni yong jia jiao hai ke yi guo zhen chang de shen huo dui ma?"
There is a quote from my fav QuoteHug (http://www.quotehug.com/index.html), where i think Pastor Khong and Ps Melvyn Mak quote from, that goes something like this, "I was sad that i didn't have shoes, until i met someone without legs."
Life...is simply what we make of it. Nick Vujicic is one perfect example, i can't wait for him to come preach. So many people want to kill themselves cos they did badly in exams, cos of a failed relationship. But these ppl missing limbs are utilizing every scrap of life they've been given, using them to give to the world, not to take, or whine. Morrie, too. When he was dying and suffering, what he wanted wasn't to take every last bit he could from the world, from the ppl he loved. What he did when he was dying, throughout his whole life, was give. It really amazed me, because when i think what i'd like to do if i were to die tmr, i think i'd want to spend time with my loved ones, to be hugged and patted, to have ppl tell me how much they love me, to receive.
I've been down the valley of the shadow of death and back, twice. It's truly a miracle that i am where i am today. Solely by the grace of God. So i was thinking back to the time i was shadowed by death, and i suddenly felt the fear i didn't feel then. I felt scared, like what if i'd really gone then? I wouldn't have been here anymore. I regretted my then childish actions so much. So many ppl want what i have, and what i have belongs not to me. How could i even have contemplated doing such a thing? But then God brought me back to His tender mercies and everlasting grace. For the next verse after "Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death" is "I will fear no evil, for the Lord is with me." I will fear no evil. I will not fear my past, my present, future, or death. I will learn to die, as if each day were my last, and in doing so learn to live. I want to cherish every moment the Lord gives to me.
That is one of the lessons Morrie reminded me of. Be Present. That is so so important. So many times we don't give people our full attention. We talk to ppl distractedly while thinking about what food to eat, our overpacked schedules, past events, or future ones. We don't cherish the moments we have with people, not as much as we should. And what a difference it makes, when u put aside your countless things to do(they will never be completed anyway, cos more comes everyday) to simply sit at the dinner table with yr family and ask them about their day. Not while u read a book, not just surface chat, but with your full attention. When your entire soul is engaged, such life pours out, and u'd end up making someone feel like they're the only person in the world who matters. Try it, you'd be surprised how much it'd delight both that person and yourself.
Was having class w Daniel, my v young and super-nice prof tt i dont call 'Prof', tt day. We were talking bout some capitalism thingy, and like how the rich are getting richer and exploiting the poor who as a result are getting poorer, and then i asked something, and he said this could be solved if all social structures are abandoned, which is almost impossible. What he was saying was exactly what i'd visualised in my more naive younger days. A world where there was complete trust, and everyone knew and perfomed their roles. Everyone'd do what they are best at, and like most. For example, i'd make flower arrangements, Reg will bake cakes, Nuans create music, and everyone will just take from others an optimal amount of what they need, while 'paying back' by letting others take what you give. That way noone'll be exploited, and we would not have to struggle so hard to compete in the cruel, scary economic world of capitalism and globalisation just to secure a stable income. People will not backstab each other for money, or develop terminal disease due to the stress of competition. We would not have to participate in this rat race where we run the wheel 24/7 just to stay in the same spot. So many people work too hard, earn too little, and die before they've actually started living. But in this world everyone is happy, doing what they love to.
Sound like a fairytale dream? True, to me it sounds like a piece of Eden. And it reminded me that when Adam and Eve were made to leave Eden, the perfect utopia, it was not the location that was taken from them, for another Eden can easily be created again. Yet it was the evil in their minds that barricaded them from Eden. It is that evil, that greed, that selfishness in human beings that created this unshakable discourse that now rules our social structures and leads to our own destruction. But in the end it's our choice. Do we whine and live our days in agony? Or do we make the best out of everything we've been given, and learn to find joy in simple things?
"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." ~M. Kathleen Casey
Kaelyn
Monday, 29 October 2007
The Power of Prayer
Today i realised the Power of Prayer. It's amazing, a lot of 'bad' things have been happening to me recently-conflicts, burnout, etc. But somehow in the midst of all these i managed to find transcendental joy in the Lord, i managed to find peace in Him amidst the storms.
Today i realised that a lot of my prayers have been answered, and are continually being answered. God's answer to my prayers come in a lot of different packages, sometimes in packages so ugly i don't wanna open them, but when i do i realise God's packaging of answered prayers may not be our preferred choice, but the inner contents will surely be.
I learnt to see the good in every situation. When my mother ignored me for a week and i was miserable, i cried to the Lord in the middle of the night and found comfort. I found strength in my heart to praise Him despite the circumstances. I thanked God that my mother's anger towards me made me realise how much she meant to me, and that it helped me understand how my sister feels when she and my dad have 'cold war'. I thank God that when she finally decided to talk to me again, she reached a higher level of loving me despite my flaws, and i learnt to appreciate her more, even when she's nagging at me.
I realized something amazing today. The prayers i prayed, those that i've even forgotten i'd prayed, are being answered. It's so amazing, we might have forgotten the prayers we pray everyday, but God doesn't. Some prayers are answered immediatedly, some take years, even decades. We don't know why, the Big Spiritual Battle the angels fight we can't see. But we know for sure God will always answer our prayers.
I suddenly took out my 100K booklets cos i realised tt God has been touching the ppl inside. Haha and while praying for my parents, i was so thankful. Cos my parents' marriage is really improving, i see them becoming friends again, even lovers. And tt is to say a lot. Thank God!
I love being a Connector. In the past, even recently, i was wondering to myself, how can Mel, or Pastor Debra be counselling ppl like every minute, one after another? Doesn't it get tiring? Last time, i would feel tired of listening to friends' troubles. But now, when i go through a marathon of these like i so often see Mel go through, i no longer feel tired or burdened. I feel privilleged, tt i'm able to lend a listening ear to the people i care about. And i no longer carry their loads, cos i know i can't, but i simply lift them up to God in prayer. Cos i can only be tt listening ear, but only God can truly help them. So i simply connect them with God. It is such an honour to be a Connector. =)
Lord i commit everyone i care about into Your hands. Father You alone know and understand the struggles each of them go through. May You come, and work miracles in the areas where they've lost hope. May You come, and be their Bridge over Troubled Water. Jesus we take comfort that Your Name is Emmanuel, God with us, that no matter where we go, You will never leave nor forsake us.
Kaelyn
Saturday, 27 October 2007
The Happy Times...
Emmanuel and Kai...I miss u guys. =)
This is a gorgeous plant i picked on e 'Adventure Across the Expo Grassland'. It's colourful and looks like tiny feathers in close-up. Amazingly it's remained in e exact same condition since i found it a week ago. Love it.
No butterfly for u! Lol sorry the angel wings were the wrong direction. Hehe.
Eleanor and I! Haha our thai tutor thought we were twins at first. But most ppl don't seem to think we look alike.
Pretty smiles!
Kaelyn
My Strengths and Weaknesses
This is something the Lord has been moulding me in recently, to be more self-aware.
Strengths:
-Compassionate
-Make ppl feel comfortable
-Friendly/cheerful
-Joy of the group, make ppl laugh
-Open to sharing
-Confident
-Honest
-Caring and Dedicated
Weaknesses:
-Dunno how to tell ppl when upset with them, end up with a lot of pent-up emotions tt erupt when triggered by small events
-Dunno how to say no to ppl, end up being harassed/burnt out
-Too 'nice', ppl tend to take me for granted
-Emotional
-Cannot handle stress
These are comments/observations that people have told me. Hmm feeling more of my weaknesses than my strengths recently.
These weeks have been...really really tiring. Everyday's packed from 6am to like 12am. Between school and GB, i'm really burning myself out. Everyone keeps asking me why i'm always so busy. I don't know, i just am. I hate that I'm so busy i don't have time to meet the friends i love. I'm so busy i don't have time for solitude, to spend time at home just reading a book or watching dvds. I want to have time to breathe, and relax too. But i love the work i do. I love to see souls saved, to see e girls get touched by God, i love to see their frowns change gradually into smiles, and laughter. =)
I need to learn to handle stress, and busyness. I need to learn to prioritize, and accept that i can't please everyone. I need to learn to handle my emotions. But what exactly is emotional stability? I'm naturally an emotional being. When problems arise, some ppl scream, some rationalise, some run away, and me? I cry. I just cry. Sometimes i tear, sometimes i sob, sometimes i wail. Okay maybe not wail. Hahaha. But tt's just my makeup. I can cry and smile at the same time, maybe even make jokes haha. I think Jackie Pullinger will understand me. I remember she said she'd cry the whole night for ppl she symphatizes with, and she's not ashamed of it.
I think i wasn't a confrontational person at the beginning. In fact, i was the running away kind. Looking back, i remember times where i literally ran away from an argument, or simply hid, under the blanket, or in a room. But i think someone taught me to face conflicts, and work things through, despite my first instinct to run away. So i changed. I became a more confrontational person, not because i like confrontations, but because they are the only way of resolving conflict, of getting down to the root of the problem. Because i don't like to drag the problem, and i just wanna get it over and done with. And because i'm
learning to value conflicts cos like my prof says, sometimes conflicts are opportunities for growth. But not everyone is the same as me. I've learnt to value diversity a lot more recently due to my module, but sometimes my disparity with others truly leaves me baffled, and there are times when i just feel like an emo freak being the way i am. But God loves me the way i am. Thank God for that.
Jesus, may i make full use of the strengths, the spiritual gifts u've bestowed upon me for Your glory. At the same time Lord, mould me and help me to overcome my weaknesses. Thank You God for everything u've blessed me with. I just love You so much, being in Your presence brings me such joy, such strength, such bliss that nothing else matters.
Kaelyn
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Wan Yaaw
Means long day. So i went for my warm-up in the morn. Everything went fine except tt i suddenly had prob w parallel parking. So re-did 2 times and both times were fine. Nvm. Went to find a seat in BBDC, plug in the Powerpoint and do my work. Was v contented until this guy came along to harrass me. Entertained him for awhile and finally managed to get rid of him after an hour or so. I think i'm too polite alr, need to learn to be harsher next time. Then another guy came to sit beside me. And i was like, sian. But alas, he's act my sec sch classmate! Haha and he was taking test same time as i was. Really such a comfort, thank God for him. Helped me take my laptop and do the receipt thingy. And like it didn't feel so scary in the balloting room with him there. Was telling him i'd see him later at the 'movie', the show we're supposed to watch if we pass.
So i went for my test. And it was horrible. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. I've never screwed up my verticle parking but today, i screwed it up real bad. Knocked the pole over, he asked me to redo and i struck kerb again. Lol. From then on i knew i failed alr. So i went on to make more mistakes. Knocked the pole during parallel parking, and hit kerb again at crank course. Hahaha. I dunno what the hell i was doing. After the test i went to find Alvin, e sec sch classmate, and in my frustration to explain to him this never happened to me before, tt i usually drive fine, i was tearing and he was quite scared. Lol he was like, "Ehh don't cry leh...I 4 yrs never see u alr now see u u cry." Haha after that i called Peter my instructor and i told him what happened. He was also quite surprised, he was like, "But your parking usually no problem...what happened?" He was v nice la, like a caring granddad i never had. Then i called my sis. And then i msged all the people who msged me to wish me all the best for the test.
Somehow after the initial minutes of emo outburst i felt..fine. God was telling me, along my whole course of life i've been v blessed. So many times though i didn't deserve it, i managed to get through all my major exams and all. Come to think of it, I've never really tasted much of failure, and I thank God now i have the chance to. So tt i can learn how to manage failures, to trust Him and find transcendental joy despite circumstances, and to encourage those who go through the same thing.
Went to do door-to-door survey with Seok aft tt, hahaha v tiring but act quite fun la. One couple invited us into their house for drinks and we chatted for awhile. Haha my Chinese and Malay CMI. But okay la we did quite well i think. There was this woman who was suppeerr lohsor and was telling us about all her daughters and granddaughters when we simply asked what language she speaks at home. So i could see Seok's plastic smile fading and her eyes beginning to roll. And i wanted to laugh so bad but it'd be so mean, so i bit my survey sheet instead. Ohh and there was a REAL FREAKY red cloth that was hanging on this door, and after we knocked on e door it vibrated. Violently. As in, there was no wind know. It was like in spasms or something. And we knew noone was in cos there were flyers tucked at the gate. Eeee. And there were two doors that were splashed with red paint.
After that went to have dinner with Alvin (another one), Spike, Gordon and Seok. Hahaha Seok my sis thinks u're v funny. Lol. Act u are. Dunno if u realised but u made a comment tt made us laugh like mad. Can't say it here will tell u again. I still can't believe u beat me at my maths game. =/ Yang we finally met up aft so long lol. Thanks for driving us home, really appreciate it.
Thank God for everything! Love Him lots lots.
Kaelyn
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
What's your identity?
Ever heard of the phrase, "Love and be loved"? Sounds good, doesn't it? But something is wrong with it. That phrase seems to imply, that you first love before you're loved. It seems as though being loved is the result, or reward of loving.
Today we learnt in class that Westerners are usually individual selves, and Asians, collective selves. It means that Westerners generally find their identity in who they are as a person, eg. kind, pretty etc. On the other hand, Asians tend to build their identities around relationships. For example, I am a child of God, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I didn't realise this before but it's quite true. Other than relationships, we build our identities around our social roles. For example, I am a student, a GB Officer, a cell member, a cell leader, an employee at the florist, a tuition teacher, a driving student, a future social worker. Do you begin to see what i'm trying to drive at?
No wonder we're all so tired and weary!
At least i am. We build our sense of worth on relationships (esp females), and our roles. That's why whenever there's a relationship problem, we break down. And when we fail to perform the tasks expected of us in the roles we play, we crumble. But our identity transcends these. If i were to summarize the above and tell you what my identity REALLY is, it is that I AM A CHILD OF GOD. There's so much meaning in that.
As a Child of God i have authority over TEO. I have the Holy Spirit residing in me. I could go on forever reciting benefits. But above all, as a Child of God I AM LOVED. Not a love that has to be earned, but a love that is freely given, willingly without conditions. For God loved us even while we were enemies, even while we waged war against Him. How much more, when we walk in His ways and return His love? The world says, "Love and be loved". God says, "Be loved, and love."
Yes the above roles i mentioned should be fulfilled. But not as a part of our identity. For it is impossible to please everyone, to make everything right. Circumstances will fail, anytime. But our identity is not based on how much ppl like us, or how well we perform our tasks. It is based solely on the fact that God is our Father and He loves us, just the way we are.
Ever heard of regression? Hahaha it's a psych theory tt ppl tend to revert back to their childhood, or simpler days as a method of coping with stressors. I think i'm like that. I become a child running into my Heavenly Father's arms everytime life gets too tough to handle. And i know His arms will never fail. =)
Warrior’s Hands
-------------------
Great is my God
Who calms the seas
He is the one
Who made the trees
He holds our lives in His hands
I can do everything through the one
Who strengthens me
Cos He’s in my life
And watches over me
So now I can stand up and sing
I am a child of God
I am a gift from heaven
Like arrows in a warrior’s hands
Today I’ll make my stand
Cos I am not afraid
Of those in my way
Like arrows in a warrior’s hands
Today I’ll make my stand
My God is great
Kaelyn
Saturday, 13 October 2007
Life, Hopes and Love
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
How many of us have found comfort and solace in these words, how many times? Often we seek the desires of our heart, we hope, we yearn, we ask. But many times our longings are not met immediately. And so hopes die, slowly, slowly, they are killed. And these are times when we come back to this verse, this Living Word of God, to resurrect our hopes. For life without hope is not living, but simply existing.
We all ask for different things, and we all receive different things in our lives. Sometimes the person beside u has all that u ever wanted, yet he/she never asked for it, and u look heavenwards and question why.
What is life? Such a complex, profound question. Why do we live, how does every scene of our lives add up together, in an inexplicable tangle of cherished moments? So many moments in our lives we deem wasted, like a day spent at home without doing any constructive work. But who warrants that we measure the significance of our moments by the amount of work we do? We are so oblivious of the true impact of every moment we live, our sight so limited. But God alone knows, He knows that the second u spend smiling at a child, the time spent gazing upon the wonders of nature, the time spent singing, or hugging a loved one, they all matter. And they have more significance than we can ever imagine.
Pastor Deb's words tt day was really an insight unto my soul. She said tt chores are not necessarily bad, though they are necessary. She said, the people who do chores are usually mothers, and tt we are actually growing when we find ourselves performing chores, and even to give thanks for tt privilege. How true it is, noone likes to do laundry all the time, to wash dishes and iron clothes when so many alternatives to spend one's time invites. But it has been a tradition passed through many tunnels of time, tt mothers perform chores for the family, yes and fathers too, in their own way, and noone else can replace the respective roles each occupies. They might not like the mundane nature of their jobs, or the often thankless nature, they might even loathe it, but they do it anyway. What for? They don't have to. It's not illegal to not do chores. But they do it for love. And indeed, the only motivation there can be, to undertake chores day after day, year after year, can only be love. For there is no greater power in the universe.
Kaelyn
Thursday, 11 October 2007
The Silly Things i did
I've so many things to do today. But i shall blog still cos i'd forget if i don't. Haha.
The Silly Things I Did1. I used to hide in the closet, under the sofa/bed when i was young, and fall asleep there. My family always had a hard time finding me.
2. Some evil person lied to me tt ikan bilis were neon tetra and i didn't dare to eat ikan bilis for a long time.
3. In sec sch, i got the hiccups and i remembered watching Sesame Street when i was young, and Big Bird or someone trapped its hiccup in a paper bag and left the paper bag to hiccup by itself on the table. So i tried to do the same and found out Sesame Street teaches lies.
4. Hahaha so we were watching some show at lyn's place and i fell asleep. And my dear friends found some green lipstick and proceded to draw someone's initials on my knee, but i woke up before they finished. They feigned normacy but aft awhile i noticed it, and i was so excited, i thought my vein somehow evolved into the first initial of my then love interest, and enthusiastically showed them, thinking maybe the second initial will pop up soon. Imagine my confusion when they burst out into hysterical laughter for a few minutes.
5. I walked into walls.
6. Tried to eat the fuel for some dish at Sakae Sushi, i thought it was jelly.
7. Tried to withdraw money from an UOB ATM with my POSB card. (
It's misleading la, try it, the card actually goes in and all.)
8. I'm taking my driving test in about two weeks and...i only just realised there's such a thing as brake light. I was so amazed when i found out and my instructor had a good laugh over it.
9. I kept saying hi to Seok's dad when i went to her place but he didn't reply me. Apparently she has an entire wall of mirror and i was actually waving to her dad's reflection-he was in his room, blissfully oblivious of my greeting.
But overall i think i've become a lot less blur through the years, thank God. =)
Kaelyn
Wednesday, 10 October 2007
God will make a way...
I'm so tired. So tired i crashed ysd and woke up feeling like i got mugged the day before. So tired i overshot my stop just now, and fell asleep the moment i reached home at 5. And i keep being haunted by nightmares. But today IS a better day, like i prayed. I think it's time to tell the truth, i can't hold it in any longer. I don't know how, never did, tt's why i never tried. But may God lead the way, may He somehow make a way, for the better good of everyone. =)
Kaelyn
Monday, 8 October 2007
My girl gang and i
Haha i really enjoyed myself today despite the initial grumbles bout travelling there. It's amazing how there's still this bond that's not lost after eight long years, the easy chatter and comfortable sharing. I miss yall too. I wish the conflict will be totally eradicated soon. I wish Lyn didn't have to leave. I wish we can go overseas together before Lyn leaves. Sigh just wanna say i really love and cherish u guys loads. =)
Kaelyn
Friday, 5 October 2007
Insights...
PHEW. The Week of Hell is finally over. Thank God. My first test's a goner but the second and third weren't tt bad i think.
Through the week(s) of frantically trying to finish my readings, I found tt most, almost all, were incredibly boring. Countless frameworks and models, many readings i speed-read through and like nothing went in. I started to wonder if this is really what i'm cut out for. But then there was one reading that truly grasped the heart of Social Work, in my perspective. It actually caused me to tear on the bus. This is what Anderson said, in the perspective of a social worker to his/her 'client':
"I will learn from you. I will hear your story and do the best I can to understand what you need and what you would like my role to be in your life. I will do the best I can not to make assumptions about who you are and what you need."
"You and I are connected. This connection is manifested in our being together and our interdependance. I may have done similar things under circumstances you found yourself in. I am not superior. It is a gift to be with you."
"I see your strengths."
This, and one lady's testimony during Leader's Meeting bout God confirming her calling to teach, spoke to me. To be frank, many times the potential burn-out and minimal salary this path could lead to does worry me. I'm not an altruist. There're times i lack compassion, too. And i worry tt if i burn out emotionally, both my ministry and career could be affected. But again i come back to God's affirmation that this is my calling, and my cross to bear. Though i've always wanted to do Psych since sec sch, i now see tt all along, God has been building me up for this.
In many ways the course of social work is very akin to ministry. They use terms like 'reaching out', non-judgemental values etc. Recently we started on Groupwork Practice and i'm really excited bout it. For tutorial we're just gonna spend time with our groups and learn how to lead. Could be playing games, eating together or whatever, up to us. It's like open cell. Lol. Which is v timely cos i'm v motivated to learn to be a better leader to the girls. I've gradually come to accept the role God has planned for me. Indeed like Mel said, though i may feel inadequate, it is God who chose me, not the other way round.
Actually there's just so many things i wanna thank God for. My gastric's really healed! It's so amazing, i've been struggling with it for years. And favour. He really pours out favour for me by the truckloads, wherever i go. In the past i used to be a lot more self-conscious. I'd be bounded by ppl's expectations of me, and many times actions and thoughts would revolve around what i perceive ppl'll think of me. But God has freed me, and i've become more...myself. I no longer do things according to what i think ppl expect, i do what i like, what i think is right. There's such wonderful liberation in tt. I rem during the June Egg-camp Grace told me, "I like your personality. You're just very yourself, like you don't care what ppl think of you. I wish i could be like tt." It really touched me, i didn't even know i was like tt.
After Pastor Julie's talk bout next yr's Year of Sabbath and how this yr's coming to an end, i started reflecting upon what's happened this year. How time flies, seriously. I went to read my diaries-I actually have like, nine books where i noted down every single day's events for the past few years. Haha i was very shocked, to say the least. You know those times when u read your own diary in retrospect and wonder, "Who the hell is this girl?" I really had a taste of tt. I mean, it's not as if i didn't know these things happened but when u read it for urself, it's so REAL. There was a period of time i thought i'd never be happy ever again. Sometimes it really takes looking back to realise how very far you've come. And i've come really far in a relatively short time, all praise be to God! Though i never really left church, there was a period of time i was only there physically, like Mel said. In Feb/March i started serving in G-kidz and UWC, subsequently started going for NUS Prayer Meet, in June i went for Egg-camp, ard e same time started GB and it's been such a wonderfully fulfilling and exciting journey.
Looking back there's so many things i'd have done differently had it been possible to turn back time. But i wouldn't say i regret anything, for i believe God allowed everything to happen for a reason. If not for tt incredibly dark time i experienced, i never would have become who i am today.
"Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal."
-John 12:24 (The Message)
Lose your life, and find it.
Kaelyn
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
DRIVING!!!
oh mann. i went to the real circuit for the first time today. so fun. the instructor was v lalala but he's like do test routes and i think maybe take tests one. kept talking to me, talking on e phone with his friend and all. i rem at one junction it was red light and he kept asking me to go. i was like, "huh? but it's red light..." thankfully i stopped if not he'd sure scold me. lol. anyhows then he was asking me how old i am. before i could answer he said, "you look v young!! like 15 yrs old." FIFTEEN YEARS OLD! tt's secondary three for goodness sake. i didn't know whether to be offended or delighted. he went on to say they're usually stricter on younger girls. tt's it man. i'm gonna wear granny clothes, bun up my hair and draw wrinkles on with my eyebrow pencil before i go for my test. lol. so in the end he said my driving is good, but i've a streak of danger in me. not because i'm not able to steer the vehicle, i do tt v well, but i DON'T KNOW a lot of things because I'M YOUNG. lol. but it's true la i'm not v good at judging the road conditions, like if ppl brake in front i won't realise, or i'd look one side and forget the other while coming out from a small road. so he kept talking to me till i forgot to lift my foot off the accelerator while doing U-turn and...it skidded like some Tokyo Drift contest. he totally jumped from his seat and...hahaha i laughed. aft awhile he asked, "you like driving right" i nodded enthusiastically and he said, "tt's good but..rem it's not a game ar. can kill ppl one." HE STILL THINKS I'M A KID. lol. anyhows i really enjoyed it. and really thank God for favour with instructors. this one gave me a discount of 4 dollars cos i didn't have enough cash. he said treat me la. and the last time my usual instructor bought me a drink, too. i love driving.
It is time to advertise. My driving test's on 23rd October, 1.55pm. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. =) khop khun maak!
if i pass:
-tt'd rock but i dont have a car to drive anyway
-can save money
if i fail:
-can have more driving lessons
Whatever happens, i'd praise God anyway. =)
Kaelyn
