Sometimes i just feel like a lil' girl,
Lost and alone in this big big world.
Trapped amongst a sea of directionless ppl,
Trying to find my way back.
In this world where many are lost,
Who can tell you where the way back lies?
In that vulnerable state of desperation,
What do you hold onto?
Escape routes tt distract you for a moment,
That takes your mind off your helplessness?
If you do, you'd realize that when the moment fades,
You'd find yourself still sitting on Square One,
Or worse, Square Zero.
What do you do now? Where do you go?
Take your chances, and randomly walk?
Or do you follow the bleak shining light in front of you?
A Light, though weak, that warms your heart,
That rekindles a spark of Hope
Though you know not where the Light may lead you to,
Will you follow?
Though the Light may at times lead you to tears of frustration,
Will you continue to follow this Light?
The Light that brought you out of your darkness from the very beginning.
The Light that brought you Hope.
Will you continue to trust in Him?

The past few days have been rather dreary for me, and sometimes i feel myself just going through routines and obligations, doing what i ought to do, waiting for the day to end, and for the next to begin. I think somewhere along the way, I've lost my joy in the Lord. And rightly said, "the joy of the Lord is your strength", for without this joy i just feel so weary and lethargic all the time. Going for Planning for '08 just now was good. At first, i realised i couldn't worship God properly, and it was scary, cos i didn't think i was far from Him, despite the lethargy and all. I realised i'd become cynical too, and complainy, if there's such a word. While everyone was cheering the impending arrival of The Year of Sabbath, i was thinking in my mind, "Sabbath? Yeah right." Cos staring at the '08 calender, the schedule hardly resembles a Sabbath Year in my definition. In fact, as opposed to last year, i'd think it's more packed than before. Because i'm still relatively new to serving, and the mountaintaneous schedule that goes with it. Sometimes i'd wonder, "What did i get myself into?" I realised it's gonna be tough, handling everything at once. Perhaps many of you won't understand, some might think this is insignificant compared to your challenges, some might think, why challenge yourself like tt. But it's not an upward or downward comparison, simply a comparison with myself.

Ysd night on the way home i passed by my old church, and memories flooded back. Memories of 4.5 yrs ago, when i was a 15 yr old secondary school girl, attending church on Sundays with my sis. Church then was simple, just simply Sunday service, after which a couple would send us home. Though i couldn't really connect with the other ppl in the church, seeing as they were mostly married with kids and at a mininum age of 35 or 40, i really enjoyed going to church weekly, simply to experience God's presence. I didn't know Him well then, but i just liked that warm effusive feeling in my heart everytime i sing worship songs to Him. It made me feel really happy, and filled with life.

Now, so much has changed. So many ups and downs that i've gone through, that have served to make me stronger, to make me who i am today. And today, the dynamics of church is starkly different. So many responsibilities, so many activities to attend. Being one who cannot handle stress well, i tend to get emotional when i perceive my schedule as overwhelming. And today, i was asking God, "Would You still love me if i don't do all these for You anymore?" And his reply? "I'd never love you any less." It brought tears to my eyes, and a fresh reminder that the labour i toil, i do it not out of obligation, or compulsion. I do it because i chose to, because if everyone had chose simply to be Sunday church-goers, noone would have been able to help that 15 yr old girl who was directionless, and still is every now and then.