Today's sermon really spoke to me, it's exactly what God has been trying to tell me the past 2 days.
Yesterday i read about Salvation, and what it really means, in a book called, "To Love With All Your Heart." It talked about
Justification being the starting point that one says the Sinner's Prayer, where sins are not only redeemed, but the person is bestowed with righteousness. It talked about
Glorification, the ending point(of earthly life), where one goes to Heaven to be reunited with the Lord. These are things i know...but then the book went on to talk about
Sanctification.
What happens in the time after a person says the Sinner's Prayer, and before he/she dies? Such a long lapse of time, what are we supposed to do? Sanctification, a process of growing to become more and more like Jesus.
So often in the Christian life we pray and hope for salvations, and seem to equate it simply to an utterance of a prayer. But that is not the end. That is but the beginning. The moment when we say the Sinner's Prayer, that is when we are handed The Golden Ticket to Heaven. A ticket that is given to us free of charge, paid in full by the Blood of Jesus.
But what we do with that ticket is the crucial part. Do we take good care of it, and protect it well for the Day of usage? Or do we chuck it one side, damage it, or lose it even?
I had a horrible start to my day today. A series of unfortunate events left me really upset, absent for SOL3, crying and even swearing. It reminded me of the days of depression, and i just felt so angry, so fearful, so...incredibly upset. I started praying, and asked God to show me what is the lesson He wants me to learn from today's incident, and not to let it go to waste. So i picked up my Bible and read today's Psalm. And God answered me, "The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; A good understanding have all those who do His commandments. His praise endures forever." (Psalm 111:10)
The Sanctification process is not easy. The natural tendency of every human being is sin. It is a daily battle, and today the Lord is trying to remind me, that by myself, i am incapable of keeping His ticket well. I need His grace, daily, to continue walking with Him. And it is the Fear of the Lord that would keep me from sin. It is the Fear of the Lord that is the beginning of wisdom, of knowledge, and of intimacy. When i fear the Lord, i do not have to fear anything/anyone else. When i fear the Lord, i will have the fire and passion for Him. When i fear the Lord, i will walk daily in His will and not stray away.
Lord, we're sorry for taking Your grace for granted at times, thinking foolishly and naively that Justification would allow us entry to Your dwelling places, stubbornly going our own ways even after You've paid such a high price for us. I thank You Lord that today You've reminded us that You are not just a Loving God in the New Testament, and a Terrifying God in the Old Testament, but Lord You are the Alpha and the Omega, You are the never-changing God who is both Loving and Terrifying, because You are Holy, and yet filled with Grace. Help us Lord, to learn to fear You, to continue to 'work out our salvation with fear and trembling'.
For "Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord', shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in Heaven.
Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?'
And then I will declare to them, "I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!" -Matt 7: 21-23
(It's damn scary, i was searching for this verse on biblegateway.com for 5 mins and couldnt find it, then i opened my Bible and THERE IT WAS.)Have you taken care of your ticket today?
Kaelyn
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Life's Random Joys
The cuties Sik bought for us from HK!
My dearest Proj Mates. 'Proj Mates Forever!!' Lol. I don't care if i sound gay.
Xinyi and the Mdms
HAHAHA the Hello Kitty who walked out with Odilia.
Guess what we used to torture each other with? Sweets!! Hahaha we're damn sadist Hanniwongs. Juan it was damn fun attacking you together, when u came in all ignorant of our evil plan. Hehe. Love hanging out with u two, makes me feel 14 all over again.
And...i know you'd kill me for this. But guess what? I don't care. Hahaha.
Kaelyn
Saturday, 19 April 2008
My Bestest Friend
I feel so happy today. Partly cos of the lovely weather, partly cos i got to arrange flowers, and with great company, partly cos i had a wonderful dinner and shopping time. But the primary reason for my joy remains You.
It's been almost 5 years since we've met. And i've never regretted knowing You. Our relationship has been rocky at times...There were times we quarrelled, and i wouldn't speak to You. There were times i thought of giving up on us. There were times we drifted apart. But through it all, You have never stopped loving me. Not one second. You never even contemplated the thought of giving up on me, would never bear to. And i'm so much a better person because of You. You helped me through the times when i thought i would just die of pain, picked me up from the valley. When noone believed in me, when even i wanted to give up on myself, You wouldn't give up on me. You carried me on your back and walked me through the hardest times. I will never forget that.
On the other side, there are the wonderful memories that we share. The romantic moments by the beach where You declared Your love to me, the countless times during worship that the realisation of the sheer extent of Your love brings tears to my eyes, the times we shared jokes together, the times You'd hold my hand and walk me home when i'm afraid, walking home in the middle of the night.
What more could i ask for? You are my bestest Friend, my perfect Lover. Just thinking of all that we've gone through together makes my eyes wet...For there could never be another, there could never be anyone who could take Your place. Other friends come and go. And so often they fail. But You have never failed me.
There are times when it's hard to carry on. Times when Your competitors fight for my attention, times when the world mocks our relationship. But You know what?
"I'd rather have bad times with You,
than good times with someone else.
I'd rather be beside You in a storm,
Than safe and warm by myself.
I'd rather have hard times together
Than to have it easy apart.
I'd rather have the One who holds my heart."
I love You God. I love You. I love You. I love You.
Kaelyn
Friday, 18 April 2008
Teman-teman
My cramps are killing me and preventing me from sleeping, so here i am to blog.
Your confession ysd made me think today, not about our relationship, but about relationships in general. I always appreciate your frankness, it never fails to put me at ease.
Me: "I knew it all along, guys are never nice to girls without intentions."
"Yar it's true."
Now it's time for my confession, i realised i wasn't speaking the truth when i replied you. I realised that all along, though people told me otherwise, i chose naively to believe that it was purely a platonic friendship, that we were just close friends. Today i thought about it, the countless times i realised supposedly 'platonic friendships' are more than meets the eye, killing the friendship altogether. Do platonic friendships really exist in this world? A guy and a girl, simply having a pure platonic friendship.
How i long for that. Perhaps because i've never had an elder brother. I've always envied girls who have elder brothers to tease them, irritate them, and love and protect them like a mother would her baby. Someone you could hug without hesitating.
Not that i don't long for love in the romantic sense. Everyone does. But that kind of love is often so awfully complicated, so emotion-provoking that i don't quite know what to expect anymore. Until i get the peace from the One above, i wouldn't want to go through that kind of experience again. Perhaps it's been too long since i've been in love, i've forgotten that sensation of being in love.
Along the previous lines, it's dawned on me recently, the selfish side of human beings. Even amongst same-sex friends, there are many who do not love unconditionally...but that is life i guess. There are those who seem only to remember you when they are going through a crisis, and need a listening ear. Then there are others who only ask you out when their boyfriends are not available. Still others only contact you when they need help. And last but definitely not least, there are the ones who'd grab time out of a busy busy schedule to spend time with you, even go all to your house Motives naught, but they genuinely enjoy my company, they sincerely miss me. Friends who, when u ask them for a favour, agree so willingly that you genuinely don't feel paiseh, because you know you'd willingly do the same for him/her.
Kaelyn
Monday, 14 April 2008
Buses
I took 2.5hrs to get home from work today...but God never fails to show me a little insight whenever time is 'wasted'.
So i took bus 36 to go to Capitol Building to take train home. But alas, TV Mobile was a tad too engaging, and i missed my stop. When i realised it was too late, and i felt...a teeny bit of fear, some frustration and regret. Sadly, the bus went onto the Expressway after tt stop, and the next stop was..at Paya Lebar. Lol. So i'd to go opposite and take the bus back, and all. When i reached Capitol again 45 minutes later, i decided to try taking 502 today instead of my usual train+bus. But i waited 5 minutes. And another 5. And another 5. And it was frustrating, i didn't know whether to give up waiting, cos the more you wait, the more u'd think, heyy i've alr waited for so long, just wait awhile more. But awhile+awhile+awhile...= a lot of time. And why would you wanna wait when there are alternatives waiting for you? So i gave up on 502, and started walking towards the train station. But what do u know? I see 502 staring at me from the traffic junction in front. And i go, "What the hell" in my mind and start running back to the busstop.
What are you trying to tell me, God?
So I started thinking, and i realised God always use buses to bring about revelations.
1. Board the right bus.
Juan u're right i'm a silly blind bunny sometimes, and there were times i boarded the wrong bus. And inevitably, it brought me to the wrong place, far from my desired destination. Are there times when you see 196 and think, if only the number could be added by one, and it'd be my bus? Well even if you boarded the bus and scribbed a "+1" behind the bus number, it still won't be the right bus for you. You can't change your bus. So choose the right one.
2. Know when to board and alight.
You need to know exactly where you want to go, and how far each bus can bring you. Sometimes the journey goes on even after it's passed your destination, and that's not good either.
3. Board the bus in the right direction.
Again, know where it is you want to go. It can be the same bus, but it can go both ways, at different phases. Where do you want to be led to?
4. Be prepared to board the bus.
Buses won't stop unless someone flags it down. You must be ready when your bus comes, to hop onto it.
Weirdly, after i'd boarded 502 i was looking out the window, and there was a huge poster on some building that said, "Above all, it's about following your heart."
Thanks to all who asked about my 'killjoy moment'. The concern was really unexpected, sometimes i forget people read my blog. Really appreciate it lots. =)
Kaelyn
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Hopes frail but not killed
So the hope and excitement that were built up over the week were burst in that killjoy moment when i received the phone call. Tears that i havent shed for awhile streamed down my face before i even realised my face was wet.
"No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."
I kept thinking to myself as i memorized and meditated over Psalm 84 in the past week, it'd be such a comforting verse if it went, "No good thing will He withhold from...
those who believe in Him." But no, the criteria was 'to walk uprightly'. So i've been wondering, if i'm eligible for this very attractive blessing that was being offered. How can anyone but Lord Jesus claim to 'walk uprightly'? For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. But as Mel answered just now, it is the heart of wanting to walk right with God that He sees, and i was thinking, God wouldn't have put that verse there if it doesn't apply to anyone but Himself. So perhaps i do qualify, afterall. Hurray!
The devil knows very well my deepest desire, and with the Hand of God working powerfully in my family now he is trying all means and ways to sabotage His plans. But it doesn't matter. Cos it will not work. It is a beginning, not the end. It is, one step closer each time. And it will only prompt me to pray more, to break through to the Third Heaven.
I realised recently i do have some negative thoughts. Somehow subconsciously when all is going well i'd have a feeling that something bad will happen, to balance it out. In a sense i think it's good to have a balance of both in life, for "If I'm too full, I might get independent, saying, 'God? Who needs him?' If I'm poor, I might steal and dishonor the name of my God."-Prov 30:9. I guess it's because i no longer fear the low times in life. I think, everything happens for a reason. Like what they always say, "Life is like a rollercoaster". I've learnt to relish both the high and low parts, for without the latter i would not have become who i am today. It is the moulding that make me wiser, the tears and pain that make me stronger, the tests and trials that build the depth of my faith.
Yet this negative thought, if not removed, may result in a self-fulfilling prophesy that is unneccessary. It all begins in the mind. If you believe, that's half the battle won. I will choose not to lose hope in Him who has never failed me, in every area of my life. For He will not withhold any good thing from me. =)
Praise the Lord!
"There can be miracles...when you believe. Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."
Kaelyn
Monday, 7 April 2008
God-shaped Hole
(Audio Adrenaline)
All around the world people are trying.
Deserted souls cry to be filled.
Spirits left undone their hearts are hollow.
I can see, in their eyes, hollow lives.
And every heart, and every soul
And everybody’s got a god-shaped hole.
You may have tried to fill that hole inside
With an empty hand you reached in vain.
Substitutes don’t work, bandages only hurt.
The only thing that heals is the hand of god.
Nobody’s meant to be left all alone.
Our lives are much too short
To have an empty soul.
Kaelyn
Saturday, 5 April 2008
I have...fallen in love
Mika. My tutor's Thai-German son. Perfect...only he's 18 years younger. Sigh.
Hahaha. I was joking with my friends about how i would have to wait 18 years for him, and they said a more practical way would be to get married soon and have a daughter, then let my daughter marry him when they grow up.
"Huh then one day you tell your son-in-law u once had a crush on him?"
Lol. He's super cute la. Seriously. When he runs around playfully, then turns back and smiles...ohmygosh he has tt kind of smile that makes u feel, "I don't care what u've done, i forgive u." *melts*
Anyway, thank you ?accaan for treating us to the delicious thai food! hee enjoyed the catchup, felt a bit like a pri sch excursion. haha. we also went to tour the temple at Chinatown. v nice architecture! so funny eleanor and i were given long sarongs to wear cos we were wearing short skirts. made me feel kinda indecent like hafta cover up before going in lol. but all in all it was fun. Thank You God for everything...and for last night. I love You so much. *Huggs*
Kaelyn
A late night rant
Actually i've nothing to blog about, but just feel like blogging. Hee. I really enjoyed today's meetup with Chng and Mel, think it was really quality time in its fullest. I think the pleasures of life, are really moments like this. Just sharing life with ppl you love, laughing and crying. Just enjoying each other's company. Today, i feel...childlike. Yet very much adult. I like how God is helping me to grow up. To be able to be responsible and mature in the areas i ought to be, yet retain that silliness in me that can never be taken away. I hope this childlikeness in me remains, even when i'm a greying old granny. =)
Life is complicated, and very much unfair in many ways, like what i taught in Devotion today. It applies to our daily lives, and often i fall into the trap of comparing. Of peering at the 'greener grass' in other ppl's fields. Today, God reminded me, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." I don't want to compare anymore, cos each time i do, i get confused. I don't understand. It is far better to live life without comparing. Cos then you're easily contented. And you're not stumbled by the wicked's prosperity.
I saw the light again today. Perhaps it really is possible, to have a brand new beginning. I feel the strings of the past unravelling, the hold it has on me loosen. I see a glimmer of light. And i know it can only be God. A good day, today was. Despite the tiredness in serving. I know He's used me today.
It's gonna be my last parade next week. My mind goes, "Hurray!" but at the same time i will miss the girls. Do hope they will be taken care of while i'm gone.
"There are joys which long to be ours. God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away."
-Henry Ward Beecher
Kaelyn
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
The Whatever Poem
Why do poems have to be sad?
It's like some kind of a fad.
My poem might not leave you in a daze,
But i hope it'd put a smile on your face.
Life is funny and life is short.
Why get tied down by the faults?
Dare to love, and dare to feel.
For who knows what evils that would kill?
Break into a smile,
Do it your own style.
And do a little dance!
Like a child, go prance.
Find that reason to beam,
The grass on the other side is not that green.
Life is funny and life is short.
Why get tied down by the faults?
-Jenn
Kaelyn
Waterhorse
Watched Waterhorse ysd, and though it's quite a typical light-hearted show, it touched my heart at the scene where Angus had to make a decision to leave Crusoe, the Waterhorse/Loch Ness Monster.
Guy(forgot his name): Let go, Angus! You have to let go!
Angus: I love you Crusoe. You're the bestest friend i've ever had. Be free, and be happy. *And he let go*
It was so hard to let go. Crusoe was his baby, hatched from an egg. His only friend. Or rather, the only friend whom he could engage in such a deep level with, even though Crusoe could not speak. But in the end he let him go, and never saw him again, because it was the best for Crusoe. Crusoe is meant to be free in the oceans, doing somersaults along with dolphins. They are of different worlds. He let go, because he loved him.
Kaelyn
