Once you start working, Saturday becomes like a gem, a cherished jewel that is hard to give up. And no matter what anyone says, i thank God that i chose to stay home today.

Transiting to work hasn't been easy. On the surface, everything looks fine. People are nice, there's devotion every morning, etc. And there's nothing much to do as a new staff. But perhaps that's what's been killing me, the idleness. In any sense, i've been feeling rather lost and disoriented. I find myself getting rather emotional and grouchy, easily irritated. Physically been feeling nauseous and lethargic. And i really don't like it. And so i've been praying for help each day.

I didn't realise how physically tired i was. So i spent half the day sleeping, and then somemore. And the other half...i spent worshipping God, crying out to Him, pouring out my soul, and reading 'The Shack'. Words cannot describe the revelations, the amazement, the awe, the joy, the release that He's given to me through this book. I shall attempt to share what He's spoken to me, but i really encourage everyone to read it for themselves.

Somewhere along reading the book i realised i have fallen into some form of religiousity...Is it possible to read the Bible everyday, pray, worship, serve in ministry fervently, and not grow in your relationship with Him? I'm beginning to think it's possible. There was a season in time where i was living in intimacy with Jesus, where i related to Him as the Lover of my Soul...those times were wonderful, and as i recall i never felt alone wherever i went, and each moment was just saturated with joy and amazement.

And so in recent times i felt God calling out to me, this time as Father God, my Papa. And how i loved calling Him Papa, to know that i could run into His loving arms anytime, to know that He would command His angels to guard me in all my ways, even lift me up so that i would not strike my feet against a stone.

But then it kinda stopped there. This relationship with Papa God became stagnant, it didn't even come close to the relationship i had with Jesus. Recently at work i realized that one of my friends' perception of Father God was One who was distant and angry, the God in the Old Testament that went around striking people dead. I was initially shocked at this, but upon reflection realised that my perception of Him wasn't too far from hers.

To my relief, i realised that we weren't the only ones struggling with this. Jesus's disciples, too, struggled with the same issue.

"Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him."

Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."

Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it."

-John 14:9-14

O, the mystery and wonder of the Trinity! When will we ever truly understand it?

Papa God so often has been misunderstood as the distant and angry God. In the Shack, this is a conversation between Mack and Papa.

Mack: But i always liked Jesus better than you. He seemed so gracious and you seemed so...

Papa: Mean? Sad, isn't it? He came to show people who I am and most folks believe the qualities he portrayed were unique to him. They still play us off as good cop/bad cop most of the time, especially the religious folk. When they want people to do what they think is right, they need a stern God. When they need forgiveness, they run to Jesus.

Mack: Exactly.

Papa: But we were all in him. He reflected my heart exactly. I love you and invite you to love me.

The Trinity...or what i understand of it now..blows my mind. In the Shack, or perhaps in Heaven, Papa, Jesus and Sarayu (Holy Spirit) share a wonderfully intimate relationship where they play around with each other, joke around, love each other, share their troubles (usually of mankind). Where they understand each other completely, and experience a relationship that is completely self-sufficient. In modern context, they're prolly like the Three Musketeers, the strongest 'clique' ever. I don't know about you, but if i were God...i prolly wouldn't have bothered to create mankind and along with it, so much heartache and trouble for myself.

There is so much to learn out of the relationship God enjoys in Himself. God is love. I'm finally starting to understand what that means. God did not create love. God IS love. He exists because of love, and love defines His very person. God would not ask us to love unless He has first loved, and indeed He has, from the beginning of time, before the thought of any human being was even conceptualised in His mind. Papa, Jesus and Sarayu's love for each other is one that is selfless, that always thinks of others before themselves. One that is unconditional, that does not take into regard what the other does or does not do. And their love is non-hierachical. Like Mack, i used to think that Papa had authority over Jesus, that He SENT Jesus to Earth. But that is so far from the truth. Papa, Jesus and Sarayu are all 100% God, and noone is greater than the other. That took me awhile to comprehend, but what was even more unbelievable was that this is the same kind of relationship that God wants to have with us!

That means that when Jesus said that He would be in us, and we in Him, He wants us to share in the kind of relationship Papa, Jesus and Sarayu have with each other. That there is to be no hierachy. That even as we submit to God, God submits to us! That is so incredibly...unbelievable. Papa went on to explain in 'The Shack' that they intended for man to have the same kind of relationship with each other, as we were created in God's image, we also share His desire for community. But man has fallen so drastically that our world as we know it now, embraces hierachy as a paradigm essential to every structure. Marriage, companies, whatever. There is always the boss and the employee, the master and the servant. Because for a non-hierachical relationship to work, there must be absolute trust and integrity, there must be absolute love. We may not be able to experience a relationship like that with fellow human beings in our time on Earth, but we can experience it right now with God! =)