I have never regretted any single countdown party i have gone to for the past 7 years. Yesterday, i've had the privilege of hearing from many powerful truths and reminders from the leaders and pastors. But the one which God used to speak to me most was...The Balloon.

There were a lot a lot of beautiful helium balloons at the party yesterday...and throughout the entire party, The Balloon was dancing tirelessly to the King at the ceiling. Other balloons were inspired and came along to dance, but they soon got tired and discouraged, and stopped. But the Balloon never did. It just continued to dance for Jesus, from 2010 to 2011.

It reminded me of my journey in ministry. Often we start out like the Balloon, excited for God and His people, filled with desire to worship. But along the way, we see people come and go. Lives saved, and then sucked back into darkness. We run programs after programs, make phone calls, plan cell groups, cell outings, congre meetings, prayer meetings, leaders meetings, worship services, etc, and we don't see the fruit we desire. And we get tired. We get frustrated. We lose the passion. The reason we serve.

There are times i feel this way. And yesterday i felt God speaking to me. When we were asked to write on the cheque to Jesus, He prompted me to write

'To seek His approval above all else'.

Like The Balloon. Not focusing on its own fatigue. Not looking at others who seem to be doing better. The Balloon was able to last the race because it fixed its gaze on JESUS, and cared only for His approval.

God revealed to me that there were 2 things that makes me feel weary of serving at times..

1. Focus on Self- Conceitedness

I realised that everytime i grumble, or feel dissatisfied, it is when my gaze is on myself. I lament that i do not have enough sleep. That i do not have enough time for myself at times. That my members, or the people i'm trying to reach out to, reject me. That i have to keep playing Amazing Race even though i'm 23 and honestly do not enjoy running around with the teens in the hot sun, going from one station to another.

Me, me, me.

Sounds like a certain fallen angel.

Lucifer felt that he was above serving man, whom he perceived as inferior to himself. Afterall, he was a distinguished ArchAngel, one of the 3 chosen by God to lead the angels in worship. So he complained. He petitioned. He rioted. And he fell from Heaven to Hell.

2. Focus on Others- Comparison

Then there are times when it becomes performance based. I don't know about you, but sometimes i would look at others' gifts or success and envy them. I'd lament that my cell is not growing as much, whether in numbers or depth. And i'd start to wonder if perhaps i'm not as gifted a speaker as others, perhaps i don't have as much skill in building rapport, perhaps i haven't done enough to bond the cell, perhaps perhaps...I'm just not good enough.

"There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them" 1 Cor 12:14

The same Spirit distrubutes them. Our gifts are not our own achievements. They do not come from ourselves, but are given by God. Some are given musical talents to worship God, others the anointing and charisma to preach, still others the gift of evangelism, etc. We are to thank God for the gifts we have received, and spend our time developing them, instead of looking at the ones others have and lamenting that we are not given the same. The devil is smart, he would often make A envy B for a certain gift, and B envy A for another. As a result both are dissatisfied, feel inadequate, and do not focus their efforts and energy on developing what they are best at.

Focusing on what we do not have obstructs God from developing the gifts He has given to us.

This year, i want to start the year afresh serving God out of just one motive. Just like The Balloon, i don't want to place my attention on myself, my rights, my comfort. I don't want to compare with others the external fruits of my work.

I want to fix my thoughts, my gaze, my all, just on one question alone:

WHAT WOULD JESUS THINK?

Lord, Your approval is all that matters. I do not need to be the most inspiring cell leader, have the biggest cell, etc. I know You're a God who sees the heart. I just want to please You, in all that i do. I want to be like The Balloon, free to worship You with all i am. This year, i want to spend each day making You smile. =)